Link's Series Of Unfortunate Events
by liamdude5
Summary: Link, Aryll, and Tetra are left in the care of Count Gannondorf after Gramma dies. But, he's evil. What are three orphans caught in a series of unfortunate events to do? Rated PG for action, crude humor, mild language, and mild romance.
1. A Bad Beginning

_First of all, I would have classified this story as a crossover, but I could not for the life of me find Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events in the books or movies._

_Second of all, this story takes place in the Wind Waker part of the Zelda timeline._

_Third of all, enjoy._

Picture happy music playing. A cheery forest. Birds chirping in the background. Happy bunnies and deers running around. Then, popping out of a tree, a happy little Deku leaf.

"Hello," the Deku lead greeted, "My name's Makar and I love you. Come frolic with me."

Makar then frolicked along the path leading from his house. He waved hello to some squirrels, bunnies, birds, deer, and a bear. He then proceeded to frolic along the path, playing his little leaf fiddle.

I am sorry to inform you that this is the exact opposite of the type of story that I will be telling you. The story I will be telling you involves death, sailboats, Zoras, pasta, quills, and Gramma's Soup. If you want to stop reading this and maybe read a Diary about a Wimpy Kid, then I would completely understand. But, if you think that you can stomach this, then continue on.

Hello. I am Shigeru Miyamoto and it is my sad duty to chronicle the events that transpire in the lives of the Hero of Time, Link, and all of his descendants. I've already covered the descendant whom could travel to the dark realm and the descendant whom possessed the Ocarina of Time and saved the land of Termina from Majora's Mask. But, today, I am discussing the descendant whom possessed the Wind Waker.

More specifically, him and his two sisters. Let's discuss them one by one.

Link. He was the middle child. He always wore those iconic green tights that the original Hero of Time wore. He was also crafty. He solved many a puzzles in many a dungeons. You could tell he was thinking when he took off his iconic green hat. He was a strategist. Always thinking outside the box to get himself out of sticky situations.

Then there was Aryll. She was the youngest. She was a pretty young woman. But, she also had brains behind her beauty. She had read many books in her Gramma's library. About nearly every possible subject.

Then there was Tetra/Zelda. She was actually adopted. Actually, nobody was really sure that Tetra was a she until they checked for themselves. Anyways, she used to be a pirate. But, Link and Aryll had taken a shining to Tetra. So, they invited her to join their family. She took a shining to them as well. So, she accepted. However, she still, in a way, kept her pirate nature. She still thieves on occasion. However, it was only small things and she would still return them and apologize.

Together, they were raised by Link and Aryll's Gramma. She lived them all very much.

Then, something happened. Something that made them ask questions. Questions like "Why are we on a beach," and "Why is a sophisticated looking talking sailboat sailing towards us?" When it finally reached the shore, Link, Aryll, and Tetra approached it.

"Hello children," the sailboat greeted, "I am King of Red Lions, the banker for your Gramma. And, it is my sad duty to inform you of an unfortunate event." The children were listening. "I am afraid that your Gramma's house burned down in a mysterious fire, taking her life."

The three children were completely blindsided by the news.

See what I mean? Pretty heavy stuff. If you want to stop reading now and read something more cheery, this is your chance. There's no turning back now.

Link, Aryll, and Tetra walked upon the burned down remains of their once home. Aryll was in tears and Link was stroking her back. Link and Tetra seemed fine on the outside, but on the inside, they were blubbering like Aryll.

Aryll and Tetra stayed in the living room, Tetra comforting Aryll. Link, on the other hand, had gone off to explore the remains of the house. In Gramma's room, Link found a box. And in that box, Link found a tiny telescope. Similar to the one Aryll have him for his birthday. This one, however, seemed to be coated in gold. Link decided to hold on to it in his pouch.

A short while later, Link, Aryll, and Tetra were sailing in the King of Red Lions.

"Well," King of Red Lions reassured, "Don't you children worry. You are going to be placed in the very caring hands of your beloved Count Gannondorf."

"We don't remember any Count Gannondorf," Link stated.

"Of course you do," King of Red Lions stated, "He's either your third cousin, twice removed, or your second cousin, thrice removed."

"Something's brain has been removed," Tetra mumbled.

"Tetra," Aryll scolded.

Not long after that conversation, King of Red Lions docked in front of an island with a cozy cottage on the shore. As Link, Aryll, and Tetra stepped out of King of Red Lions, a lady in her 50s stepped out of the cottage.

"Oh," the lady stated, "Who are you?"

"I'm Link," Link greeted.

"I'm Aryll," Aryll greeted.

"And I'm Tetra," Tetra greeted.

"We are here to live with Count Gannondorf," Link stated.

"Well," the lady greeted, "Hello there. I'm ."

"Hi ," the three children greeted.

"Well," stated, "Don't you three have such nice manners. You stop by and visit anytime you want."

"Wait," Link asked, "Visit? You don't live with Count Gannondorf?"

"Count Gannondorf," asked, "Oh no. He lives on the island just across from here."

points to an island harboring a scary looking house with bats flying around it and the tail of a sea serpent slithering on by.

"Let's sleep outside," Tetra suggested.

_Please review._


	2. Chez Gannondorf

_I hope that you enjoy this new chapter. But, first, I would like to apologize. My old YouTube review poll. Turns out that I accidentally didn't set it to be on my account. It was my first poll, so I didn't know what I was doing. I now posted a new poll, just a quick little fun question. Go check it out. Also, enjoy this chapter._

Link, Aryll, and Tetra walked up to Gannondorf's door, holding their suitcases. Gannndorf's door had a big eyeball on it. King of Red Lions was on the shore, close to them. Link then rang the doorbell. A peephole opened up in the center of the eyeball.

"Who is it," said a voice on the inside of the door.

"It's Link, Aryll, and Tetra," Link responded.

"Oh goody," said a voice on the inside of the door. Some latches then unlatched on the inside of the door. "Come in," the voice stated.

Link opened the door and held it open for Aryll and Tetra. The two of them then walked in and Link followed. They left the door open so King of Red Lions could supervise.

The foyer of Gannondorf's house was big. Quite bigger than Gramma's foyer.

"Hello hello hello," a voice said from the second floor of the foyer. Link, Aryll, and Tetra looked to see an African American human wearing a black robe.

"I am your beloved Count Gannondorf," the man stated. He then quickly slid along from the middle of the second floor to the railing on the side.

"Knit one pearl two," Gannondorf constantly repeated as he tiptoed to the stairs. He then started to climb down the stairs.

"Then I run down super man fast and the music becomes high and low," Gannondorf states as he climbs down and reaches the bottom of the stairs.

"Oh yeah," Gannondorf breathed, "That's what I live for."

Gannondorf then looked over the orphans.

"Ah," Gannondorf stated as he approached Link, "My dear little..." Gannondorf glanced at his hand to see a crude drawing of Link labeled "Link", a crude drawing of Aryll labeled "Aryll", and a crude drawing of Tetra, labeled "Oh, who cares?"

"Link," Gannondorf finished, "Gotten so big."

Gannondorf then approached Aryll. "And cute little Aryll," Gannondorf greeted, "Pretty as a picture."

Gannondorf then looks upon Tetra.

"And," Gannondorf stammers, "Who is this little boy?"

"I'm not a boy," Tetra growls, "I'm a girl. My name is Tetra."

"I'm sorry," Gannondorf growls, "I don't speak denial."

"I'm not in denial," Tetra yells, "I'm a lady. You can check!"

"OK than," Gannondorf continues, "You all seem glum. What's the deal?"

"Our Gramma just died," Link moaned.

"Ah yes," Gannondorf replied, "How sad. Wait, that's not good. Let me try once more. Give me the line again."

"Our Gramma just died," Link nervously stated.

"Oh my gosh," Gannondorf cried as he got on his knees, "Oh dear me. Why, gosh, why? How could you take such a dear woman so soon?! Now, of Red Lions, where is he?"

"Outside," Link answers.

"Then I must speak with him," Gannondorf states as he walks towards his door and sticks his head out of it, "Greetings of Red Lions."

"Greetings Count Gannondorf," King of Red Lions greets, "It is nice to meet you. I hope that you plan to take care of these kids."

"Oh," Gannondorf states, "How dare you." Gannondorf runs to Link, Aryll, and Tetra.

"Excuse me," King of Red Lions asks.

"You say it like it would be a burden to watch over these children," Gannondorf yells as he puts his arms around Link, Aryll, and Tetra, "Hurbaburb. Habalababalabababa. I will watch over these children as if they were my own. Because they were my own. Now, where do I sign for the fortune. I mean, children?"

"Well," King of Red Lions answered, "You won't actually gain possession of the children until the hearing about the new guardian of the children."

"Hmm," Gannondorf stated, "And what do I do with them until then?"

"Excuse me," King of Red Lions asked.

"Umm," Gannondorf stammered, "What I mean is, do you work out? You look good."

"I'm a boat," King of Red Lions stated, "I can't work out."

"Ah yes," Gannondorf replied, "Of course. Now, would you like me to bring you some tea and we could chat."

"Sure," King of Red Lions responded.

"Maybe some other time," Gannondorf announced as he ran towards the front door.

"Children," King of Red Lions yelled as Gannondorf shut the door, "Be sure to call if you need anything." After King of Red Lions said that, Gannondorf proceeded to lock his door. As of that point, the orphans were alone with their "beloved" Count Gannondorf_._

_I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Review, favorite, follow, blah, blah, blah._


	3. The Insert Last Name Here Orphans

_Alright. There's something I need tam quickly bring up before we begin. I have recently received a troll review on this story, just saying that I suck at spelling. Now, I have no problem with constructive criticism in a review, like, "I think that you could stand to improve your spelling," but I do not appreciate getting reviews that just say, "Your spelling sucks." Now, the person left his review anonymously, but just know that I will block you from my profile if I find out that you've been posting troll reviews. Just a warning. And now, your story._

So, there they were. Link, Aryll, and Tetra were standing in Count Gannondorf's foyer while he leaned against the door. They were staring at Gannondorf, waiting to see what he would do next. Eventually, he spoke.

"Now children," Gannondorf explained, "I know that my home isn't as homely as your Gramma's old home, but, I expect to come into a great deal of money soon. So, this home will soon look more different. But, as for this home now," Gannondorf began zooming his head towards Link, Aryll, and Tetra, "Shall we take a look?"

Without a response, Gannondorf started leading Link, Aryll, and Tetra around his house.

"This is the living room," Gannondorf stated, "Do not breathe in the air in here at exactly 3:33 AM and PM."

"This is the kitchen," Gannondorf stated, "I trust that you've had all of your vaccinations. Smallpox, malaria, shingles, dead syndrome."

"This is the rumpus room," Gannondorf stated, "None of you have any fears of spiders I presume?" Tetra shakes her head left and right.

"Huh," Gannondorf ponders, "A boy afraid of spiders. Who would've thought? Ahahahahaha."

"This is my theatre," Gannondorf stated, "I think Jane Goodall is somewhere in here. Not 100% sure though."

As Gannondorf leads the children through a hallway, Link notices a stairway leading upwards.

"What's that," Link asked, referring to the staircase.

"That's the spiraling staircase," Gannondorf answered, "You are never to go up there."

Then, Gannondorf got really close to the children's faces and said, "Under any circumstances." Gannondorf then continued walking forward, leaving the children with confused looks on their faces.

Finally, Gannondorf led the children to a room in the attic and shoved them inside.

"And this is where you will sleep," Gannondorf quickly stated, "Time permitting. Good night, sleep tight, don't let the dogs bite." Gannondorf then began to quickly close the door.

"But the sun is still up," Aryll complained. Gannondorf then shut the door.

"But the sun is still up," Gannondorf mocked. He then locked the doors, leaving three very confused orphans.

_I hope you enjoyed. Favorite, follow, so on, and so on._


	4. In Loco Parentis

_I hope that you enjoy the latest exploits of the orphans. Be sure to check out my newest YouTube video._

Now, sometimes, first impressions can be wrong. For example, when Aryll first met Tetra, she did not like her. She did not like her at all. But, later, Aryll and Tetra had set up a mutual relationship for both of them. Aryll would read her books and hide a hacky sack for Tetra to "steal" and take back to Aryll, for her to hide in a new spot. The two of them had loads of fun, playing "thief and girl who hides a hacky sack that's apparently worth 500 rupees" for hours on end.

However, with Count Gannondorf, the three kids were convinced that Count Gannondorf would not be a friend of theirs. And they were correct.

Every day, Count Gannondorf would have a seemingly endless list of chores for the orphans to do, from washing dishes to cleaning the windows to polishing the flower vases to burying what Count Gannondorf calls mannequins that just squirm and yell a few times in his backyard.

And, while they were doing all of this, do you know where Count Gannondorf was? Upstairs, in whatever that huge staircase leads to, doing I don't know what.

The orphans were definitely not happy. But, things finally escalated after a few days when Count Gannondorf returned after a day of being out and about with his actor friends. They were a Hyrulian of indeterminable gender, a hook handed Zora, a grumpy Goron, and a Deku Shrub. There was nothing too special about him. And, on that day, the four friends returned with Count Gannondorf to his home to find Link, Aryll, and Tetra cleaning the floor of the foyer.

"What are you doing," Count Gannondorf asked, "Why haven't you prepared our dinner?"

"Dinner," Aryll asked.

"Yes," Count Gannondorf stated, "It is the meal eaten between lunch and tomorrow's breakfast, usually during the evening."

"Making you dinner wasn't on our chore list," Link responded.

"I would beg to differ," Count Gannondorf stated. He then flipped the chore list over to reveal that it said "Make dinner" on the list. "And please try to have it finished by eight o' clock."

"But it's already seven thirty," Tetra responded.

"Then this should prove to drive you in loco parentis," Count Gannondorf stated.

"But..." Link began.

"Eight o' clock," Count Gannondorf yelled as he clapped his hands. With that, him and his acting friends retired to the rumpus room.

_Favorite and follow all the good stuff you like. :)_


	5. Resilience

_After a long delay, here is the latest chapter._

And so, the three children had no choice but to go into Count Gannondorf's kitchen and make him dinner. They are going through the kitchen, going through the different drawers and cabinets to see what's in there.

Link found a cabinet with nothing. Aryll found a cabinet with a dead rat. Tetra found a drawer with a live bat.

Eventually, Link opened a drawer to find pasta with scissors. "Pasta it is," Link stated.

Meanwhile, in the rumpus room, Count Gannondorf and his fellow actors began to prep for their play.

"Now," Count Gannondorf stated while he sat down, "Let's cast this puppy. Who shall play the most handsome and wonderful man who ever lived?"

The entirety of Count Gannondorf's acting troupe just stared at him with blank looks. Eventually, the Goron spoke up.

"Would you please do it sir," the Goron asked.

"Oh I don't know," Count Gannondorf conceded, "But if I must, then I shalt."

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, the orphans were looking through a recipe book they had miraculously found in another cupboard.

"This looks good," Link stated. He pointed to a recipe in the book for something called 'Puttanesca'.

"Guess that's what we're making," Tetra replied.

Meanwhile, Count Gannondorf was performing a skit while his actor troupe friends watched.

"This is a skit I like to call Guillotine," Count Gannondorf said as he got on his hands and knees, sticking his neck out. He then proceeded to lie like that, leaving blank expressions on the faces of his acting troupe. Eventually, he spoke.

"I only regret that I have but one life to give for my people," Count Gannondorf in character announced, "And that my trousers are filling with waste. Ohh. Ugh." Then, Count Gannondorf fell to the ground, playing dead. The troupe then clapped at his skit.

"Thank you thank you," Count Gannondorf thanked.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, the orphans were seeing if they could find the ingredients for Puttanesca.

"OK," Aryll commented, "All we need now is some tomato sauce."

"Found some," Link stated. Link then brought a can of tomato sauce.

"It's closed," Aryll commented, "I can't open cans. Tetra, will you open this?"

"Consider it done," Tetra answered as Aryll handed the can to her.

"Hey Link," Aryll asked.

"Yes Aryll," Link answered.

"We're going to be OK here right," Aryll asked.

"What do you mean," Link asked.

"I mean," Aryll answered, "Are we going to be happy here? Or are we going to spend the rest of our unfortunate lives here?"

"I'm sure we'll be fine," Link answered.

In the back of his mind, Link knew this not to be true. He knew that, most likely, they wouldn't ever be aloud to leave Count Gannondorf's house, assuming he doesn't murder them before they become old enough to live on their own. However, Lonk did not want to trouble his younger sister by saying this. So, he painted a positive picture, preserving Aryll's young childhood innocence. I'm very sorry to report that anything other than a positive picture would be an accurate depiction of their future.

However, for now, Tetra tapped Link on the shoulder and gave him the opened can of tomato sauce.

"Thanks Tetra," Link stated.

"No problem," Tetra replied.

Meanwhile, Count Gannondorf is still trying to entertain his acting troupe friends with skits, but it's no use, for they all have fallen asleep.

"Let's go back in time," Count Gannondorf stated as he pranced around the room, "When Dodongos ruled the Earth." Count Gannondorf then proceeded to start making the cries of a Dodongo as he pranced all around.

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, the orphans were almost done with the dinner they were preparing.

"Looks good," Link stated, "Looks really good."

"How much should we serve everybody," Tetra asked.

"We can divide it evenly amongst the five of them," Link stated.

"That sounds fair," Aryll stated, "We'd better divide it amongst six people, give Count Gannondorf."

"Good thinking Aryll," Link thanked.

"No problem," Aryll replied.

So, then, Link and Aryll began to place plates of food onto the dining room table while Count Gannondorf still desperately tried to impress his acting troupe. The orphans then placed silverware and lit candles on the table. They, at last, stood and stared with wonder at what they made.

"Looks perfect," Link stated. The orphans then walked into the living room.

"Excuse me," Aryll yelled. Count Gannondorf then turned towards them with a curled up piece of paper in his mouth and the actors woke up.

"Dinner is served," Link announced. Count Gannondorf got up and saw that the plates had a strange food on them.

"What is this," Count Gannondorf asked.

"Puttanesca," Aryll answered.

"What did you call me," Count Gannondorf asked.

"It's pasta," Link answered.

"Where is the roast beef," Count Gannondorf asked.

"What," Link asked.

"Yes, roast beef," Count Gannondorf stated, "It is Hyrulian for beef that is roasted and spicy."

"You didn't tell us you wanted roast beef," Aryll stated. All of Count Gannondorf's actor friends then gasped.

"Orphans," Count Gannondorf threatened as he walked towards them, "There are millions of children's throughout the great sea whom wouldn't think twice about being in your position. But, I chose to bestow my property onto you three because you are my family. All I ask in return is that you do each and every little thing that pops into my head while I enjoy an enormous fortune your grandmother left behind."

"We're very concerned," Aryll states.

"How dare you," Count Gannondorf angrily stated, "I'm not disappointed, just frustrated. But, there is a way you can fix that. Follow me." Count Gannondorf then walks towards another room and the orphans nervously follow.

_Hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing._


	6. The Reptile Room

_Well, after about a full year without any updates, I'm finally back. For how long, you may ask? I honestly don't know. I've had major writer's block on all of my stories for the past year now. I tried squeezing this out of myself to see if it would suffice, and I guess we'll see. I am working on a few new stories that will hopefully reignite my passion for writing Fanfiction. So, here's to the future._

Count Gannondorf led the orphans into a side room near the dining room. The room contained many cages with many different animals inside of them.

"Behold," Count Gannondorf announced, "My reptile room."

"I recognize so many of these guys," Link pointed out, "There's a double headed viper. And a triple eyed toad."

"Nobody likes a show off Link," Count Gannondorf replied, "Either way, I wouldn't get too close if I were in your shoes. I injected them with a formula that allows them to spit poison if they're mad at something." Link then backed away from the cages.

"So," Tetra asked, "What do you want us to do in here?"

"Ah," Count Gannondorf replied, "That's simple. Follow me."

Count Gannondorf led the orphans to a curtain that's at the end of the room opposite the doorway. Count Gannondorf then pulled back the curtain, revealing an empty cage.

"That's worrisome," Count Gannondorf worried.

"What," Link asked.

"The Incredibly Deadly Viper is supposed to be in there," Count Gannondorf answered.

As Count Gannondorf said that, the lock on the cage appeared to be unlatching itself. When the orphans and Count Gannondorf noticed the lock had been undone, it was too late for them to do anything as the Incredibly Deadly Viper lunged at Aryll anttttttttttttttt

Oh. Forgive me. My "T" key on my keyboard is stuck. Let me just adjust it and...OK it's fixed. Now, where was I? Ah, of course. The attack of the Incredibly Deadly Viper.

After the Incredibly Deadly Viper had pinned Aryll to the ground, Link and Tetra noticed something. The Incredibly Deadly Viper was not trying to crush Aryll or cut off her air supply or even harm her. The Incredibly Deadly Viper was playfully licking her face. And it was making Aryll giggle uncontrollably.

"Don't worry," Count Gannondorf reassured, "That snake could not possibly harm her."

"The Incredibly Deadly Viper could not possibly harm her," Link demanded.

"Yeah," Count Gannondorf smirked, "It's actually harmless. I just called it that to scare the pee out of some bratty little kids. And it worked. Hahahahahaha!"

"Hilarious," Tetra mumbled.

"What do you want us to do in here anyways," Link asked.

"This snake needs to go into the boat I have outside," Count Gannondorf pointed out, "It's pretty easy."

"If it's so easy, then why don't you do it," Link asked objectively.

"This is your chance for you orphans to redeem yourselves," Count Gannondorf berated, "Do you really want to let that opportunity slip through your fingers?"

"I don't," Aryll pointed out.

"Then hop to it," Count Gannondorf screamed. The orphans reluctantly picked up the snake and carried it out of the Reptile Room, through the rest of the house, and let him off into the boat parked out in front of the house. The orphans then did their trek back into the Reptile Room.

"We did your simplistic task," Link griped, "Are you happy now?" The orphans then realized that Count Gannondorf was standing on the table.

"What is wrong with you," Tetra asked, "Other than everything else?"

"You slammed the door on the way in," Count Gannondorf whispered.

"And," Link asked.

"You knocked over my cage full of Venezian Scorpions," Count Gannondorf gripped.

"What," Link yelled. The orphans looked down and saw multiple scorpions crawling around on the floor.

"Aaaaahhhhhh," the orphans screamed. They jumped up on a nearby table, holding each other, while Count Gannondorf did the same thing, screaming like a little girl. As they stated there, the scorpions begun to leave the Reptile Room and marched out of the back door.

"How could you," Count Gannondorf yelled, "I loved those things like they were my own children."

"We are essentially now your children," Link shouted.

"Do you know how hard it was to find them in the jungle," Count Gannondorf yelled, "To get them home and train them?"

"How hard it was to buy them at the market," Tetra mocked.

"Oh," Count Gannondorf grumbled, "More resilience from you pesky orphans. I have a way of dealing with double doses of resilience."

After a walk upstairs, Count Gannondorf shoved the orphans into their bedroom.

"I am very disappointed in you shildren," Count Gannondorf berated. Count Gannondorf then shut the door behind him.

"Now," Count Gannondorf addressed his actor friends, "Where were we?"

The orphans were not happy with their situation. The orphans looked among each other, before Link begun to run to a window and break the boards off of it.

"What are you doing," Aryll asked.

"Going home," Link moaned.

"This is home now," Tetra pointed out.

"Home," Link yelled, "Home? This isn't home. Home is where your parents teach you how to sail and get all teary eyed on your first day of school and..." Link begun to trail off.

"Loves you," Tetra asked.

"Yeah," Link sadly stated.

"Remember that time our parents sailed far from Outset Island," Aryll reminisced, "They forgot to write us the first few days."

"They were so worried about us that they sent us fifty letters the next day," Link reminisced.

"I'm really gonna miss them," Aryll lamented, starting to cry.

"I'm gonna miss them too," Link sympathized. He then proceeded to give his little sister a hug and let her cry on his shoulder.

"You know," Tetra stated, "There is a way we can pretend they're alive, just for tonight."

"What do you mean," Link asked.

Serenity. It's a complicated phrase that means paradise. And, that night, our three orphans were able to find a place for them to strategize, to read, and to thieve. Do whatever they wanted for one night. A place of serenity that could only be decimated by two words:


End file.
